Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I have a better wife than I often realize

When I got married, almost 8 years ago now, a good friend of mine recommended I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley. While I never actually have got around to reading this book, I am somewhat familiar with the main premise, which is the ways that we express love to our significant other are often radically different, and what kinds of expressions that to me show love, do not always mean the same to her, and vice versa. This premise has been many times demonstrated in our marriage, and often arguments and hard feelings, at their core, can be linked to the radically different means in which Wife and I show love and affection for each other.

For an example, - one of the best ways to show love is to work with me, to help me, in accomplishing the everyday, mundane yet necessary tasks. However Wife does not see this as love, and I all to readily tend to use this as a tool claiming that she really doesn't love me. This, of course, is a pointless argument. Yet time after time I tend to use it anyway, which over time likely has made her even less likely to understand how important it is to me to have her helping me

Well, as the adage goes, it is better late than never. It occurred to me the other day that she is much more of a help to me than I acknowledge. And Indeed the manner at which she helps in this case is far far more valuable to me, and much much more of a lasting benefit to me, than if she helps me with loading and unloading the dishwasher. (which she certainly does, many times).

I have a glitch in my personality that often causes me to either get irrationally pessimistic at the slightest challenge, or irrationally giddy at the slightest blessing, and run down rabbit trails in my thinking. This is a flaw in that if I act on the line of thinking, in either direction, and follow the thought patterns to the logical conclusion, I will invariably make decisions that lead to very bad consequences. Where my wife helps me more than anything, is that in every case that I can recall, where I am either flying high like a kite, or as depressed as a 1929 Stockbroker, she will say something or call my bluff on something, or whatever, that brings me out of my fantasy, into reality.

Every time she does this, every time I get angry and say something stupid, and every time when I take the time to actually process what she has said, I see that her words, and the wisdom behind them, are her showing me more love, and more help, than I realize at the time.

And as the Proverb says, "Let her works earn her praise at the city gate." For truly she is a incredible, undeservable, and all too often unacknowledged, help to me


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Chin chin said...

I have read The Five Love Languages a long time ago. This post reminds me to go over those points again. Maybe so as to solve our own glitches.